Bailey works minimum wage as a cocktail waitress and time and a half as a conspiracy theorist. She’s studying biology and pre-med at UIC and is the show’s resident medical expert. In her free time, Bailey likes to read mystery and thriller fiction, watch 80’s movies and cable dramas, browse reddit, and try new restaurants and bars around Chicago.
Bob is a long time listener and first time caller. When not hosting the most popular radio show in Kansas City with Reptilians and the Illuminati, Bob spends most of his time researching his true calling as an OJ Simpson truther. That’s right – Bob doesn’t believe OJ actually exists. In his words, “The Juice is most certainly not loose”. Bob also likes to spend warm Kansas afternoons in the cool, temperature controlled confines of his local Costco. According to Bob, there is more paranormal activity in the snack bar line at Costco than most haunted houses.
Our resident lawyer and go to Ted Cruz groupie, Denny is a double threat. When not at rallies for Ted he spends his time researching for possible lawsuits he may have filed against himself in the foreseeable future. Getting his law degree was just the cheaper route than hiring an attorney constantly. But he works cheap, or free if you have dirt on him, so we keep him around.
Ol’ Jazz Hands is a man of questionable morals and power, whose power is exceeded only by his questionable morals. He’s our resident Sag member and go-to when we need Nick Cage on the show but don’t want to spend the $13 Cage costs. You might have seen him staring in Chicago Fire on the small screen, playing opposite Robert Englund on the big screen, or washing windows for spare change because let’s face it, he’s an actor. We love keeping him around, but that is just in case he makes it big time so we can sell the nudes we have. His favorite food is Goulash and he is the 12th best ribbon dancer in the Northern Hemisphere.
Joe resides in Chicago and is our resident genius. With that comes all the great characteristics of a genius. He has a Mensa card. He has poor hygiene. He has flippant disregard for the feelings or needs of others. And he is a great partner for Trivial Pursuit! But, he does have a sweet plan for the impending Zombie Apocalypse, so we keep him around. His favorite food is passion fruit and he one day hopes to hunt humans as he believes the are the most dangerous prey, but he is incredibly lazy so I wouldn’t sweat it.
Kevin overthinks. A lot. He writes. Not enough. He lives across the street from Lake Michigan and keeps petitioning to get it rebranded as an ocean. He knows that’s not how it works, but he has to have something to do with his weeknights. He is endlessly fascinated by the way people behave towards themselves, and each other. That makes him a great guest and a heavy drinker. Not that he drinks a lot, he just has a lot of mass. Also, people are attracted to him. But it hurts your eyes if you look directly at him without proper equipment. Kevin is a white dwarf star.
Lisa lives in marital bliss with Brent and pretends to not believe any of this, but secretly hopes it is all true. The concept of “Space and Time” confuses her, but so does Ty Garrison so it is a moot point. She spends her free time traveling with Brent, or with her dog Guinness watching British Melodrama and trying not to cry. (Something she is not very good at) Her favorite food is chocolate but she is allergic because fate is a cruel, cruel bastard.
Mark is our milk-toast socialist. He is aggressively nonviolent and will kill to keep it that way. He talks himself into believing all this wacky shit, so Brent loves to keep him around. When he is not tossing out yarns on conspiracies or the paranormal he is working in sports radio. He spends his free time selling poster board and markers at rallies and ironing his Che Guevara t-shirt collection. He loves going to improv shows and yelling out “Prison Bathroom”. His favorite book is his diary.
Mowens lives in Venice Beach, California, where the sun is always shining and he seems somehow normal. He spends his days working for the man, and his evening plotting how to bring him down. Problem is Mowens, like Peck, is incredibly lazy so under the heel of the man we shall stay. He loves a good conspiracy and doesn’t trust anyone, so him and Goforth rarely see eye to eye. But, Brent sees that as a positive. Anyway, he brings booze for C-Bot so he can stick around. His favorite flavor is caramel and his favorite Baldwin is Daniel.
Michael Paul Gonzalez is the author of the novels ANGEL FALLS and MISS MASSACRE’S GUIDE TO MURDER AND VENGEANCE. A member of the Horror Writers Association, his short stories have appeared in print and online, including Great Jones Street, Lost Signals, Gothic Fantasy: Chilling Horror Stories, the Booked. Podcast Anthology, FCJR, HeavyMetal.com, and the Appalachian Undead Anthology. He resides in Los Angeles, a place full of wonders and monsters far stranger than any that live in the imagination. You can visit him online at MichaelPaulGonzalez.com
Rob comes to us from sunny Orlando Florida. He is an old hat to this podcast thing, he host Vorpal Beats and the Three Man Tag podcasts. For some reason he spends his free time researching 130 year old crimes, but that helps us out tremendously so we don’t judge. Well, we do… but silently. He is also the Duncan Yo-Yo champion of his neighborhood block party 4 years running, and tied for 1st in the now illegal art of lawn darts, so to say he is a renaissance man is an understatement.
Stacy lives in Chicago and doesn’t believe in any of this crap. Well, maybe the ghost stuff. Also, she guesses there could be aliens out there. And of course the government is out to get you. Ok, maybe she does believe. One thing is for sure, Dr. Phil is an alien and she still watches. She is married to John and her favorite food is her husband’s chili.
Tyler lives in Aurora Illinois, but he is not sure why. He can’t seem to find Stan Mikitas’s Donuts and there are no good drugs. That said, he is a new father and enjoys spending his time with his daughter and wife if he can ever away from work . He has delusions of grandeur but is lazy, so delusions they will stay.